There is a part of many of us who experienced unresolved childhood trauma that remains largely unspoken of but deeply impactful. This is the part of us that holds on to the “what’s next” to escape the discomfort of the present moment. Formed in childhood as a survival strategy, the waiting part often goes unnoticed but profoundly shapes our adult lives.
In the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS), every individual is seen as having multiple "parts" that make up their internal world. These parts are not necessarily literal but represent different aspects of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Some parts are protective, like the waiting part. Understanding and working with these parts can help us heal at the root and restore the aliveness, peace, and contentment we all have within us.
Growing up with dysfunctional family systems and unresolved trauma, the present moment can a lot of the times feel unsafe or unbearable. As children, we do not have the tools to process these emotions, so we turned to waiting. We thought, “If I can just wait until this moment passes… If I can just wait until they leave for work… If I can just wait until I grow up and move out…" This waiting gave us hope, creating a sense of possibility in an otherwise overwhelming reality. It was a lifeline, a protector.
However, as adults, this waiting part often blocks us from living fully in the present. We find ourselves perpetually anticipating the next thing, whether it’s an event, an achievement, a new feeling, or a change in circumstances. This focus on the future robs us of the ability to be present—and being present is, in my opinion, the core and foundation of our healing and growth. We lose sight of all that we have and of the truth; that we now hold the power to make our own choices and decisions, and there is nothing we need to wait for anymore.
The Role of Dissociation and Fantasy Thinking
A key component of the waiting part is its connection to dissociation and fantasy thinking. Many of us may think of this as “daydreaming,” but it goes so much deeper for those with unresolved trauma. Daydreaming becomes more than a casual escape; it becomes the primary mode of thought. Instead of engaging with present-moment reality, the mind retreats to imagined futures or idealized scenarios.
As children, this dissociation was a critical survival mechanism. It allowed us to disconnect from the pain or chaos of our environment and find solace in a world of our own creation. But as adults, this habit of disengaging from reality can hinder our ability to face challenges, build meaningful relationships with realistic expectations, and fully experience life. The waiting part keeps us tethered to a cycle of longing for a future that feels safer, instead of anchoring us in the present where true safety and healing can be cultivated.
My Personal Journey with the Waiting Part
For those that have followed my work and journey know the majority of my childhood was rooted in lack of safety and dysfunctional environments. I spent much of my childhood waiting. I moved out when I was 17, a few weeks after I graduated high school. I thought that leaving would free me from the chaos I had experienced for so many years. What I didn’t realize at the time was that until you heal, dysfunction and trauma WILL follow you everywhere you go. Unknowingly, I carried the waiting part with me well into adulthood.
I spent so many years living in a state of dissociation and fantasy thinking while simultaneously waiting for the next step, checking off the next box on the life checklist, waiting for everything to come together. I have never really spoke of this before, but it was a regular occurrence, especially while driving, I would go to this place of fantasy thinking, where I would visualize fairytale like stories and elaborate praising and recognitions.
In addition to that, I was ALWAYS waiting. I waited for partners to give me what I needed in relationships, unaware at the time that people can’t give you what they don’t have themselves. I couldn’t see this at all because waiting was a wired response...hoping and fantasizing unrealistic outcomes. It wasn’t until I began my deep healing work in my early 30s that I became consciously aware of the waiting part’s influence on my life. Recognizing and working with this part has been transformative, helping me to reconnect with the present moment and live a life grounded in reality and gratitude.
Why Understanding the Waiting Part Matters
I want to be clear, The waiting part is not bad and there are no bad parts. Protector parts are formed as an adaptation to trauma. The waiting part developed to protect us during a time when we had no other means of coping. It kept us going, gave us hope, and a way out during times we had no other choice. However, its role as a protector becomes maladaptive in adulthood, a block preventing us from living in the present and fully living an authentic life. Recognizing and working with this part compassionately is a crucial step in the healing journey.
When we bring awareness to the waiting part, we can begin to thank it for the role it played in our survival. We can gently invite it to step aside so that we can reconnect with the present moment. It’s in the present where healing happens, where we regain control of our lives, and where we discover the richness of being fully alive.
How Do I Move Forward If The Waiting Part is Still Present?
If you’ve find yourself stuck in a cycle of waiting—whether it’s waiting for the next promotion, the next relationship, or simply waiting to feel happier—take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: What am I waiting for? What am I avoiding in the present moment? By naming and understanding this part, you can start to shift the patterns that no longer serve you and move toward a life grounded in presence and healing.
The waiting part may have been your lifeline in childhood, but it no longer needs to carry that role in your adulthood any further. Healing begins when we embrace the present, step out of anticipation, and reclaim our power to live fully here and now.
If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone and don’t have to navigate this journey by yourself. I am the founder of The Healing Fawn Inner Child Work & Somatic Therapy. As a Certified Somatic Trauma Coach, RN, BSN and Practitioner trained in Somatic IFS and Somatic EMDR, I would be honored to guide you through my step by step process of healing at the root from unresolved childhood trauma.